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Grumpy Geek

published4 months ago
1 min read

We are now well into the oppressive heat of the summer and I see several more weeks of being miserable. Gardens are being cultivated. People are taking fun vacations. Children are playing outside. And, I hate it all. That’s right I said it. I’m a winter person. Give me the snow and cold temperatures. Give me the holidays. Winter is a time I can bundle up without being accused of laziness. I am a fluffy individual therefore I am better built for winter. In the winter I can easily regulate my warmth. In the summer there are only so many layers of clothes I can take off, before people start screaming and someone calls the cops. It’s a whole thing.

So, until the weather cools back down I’m going to hibernate and avoid all the summer activities. When my wife is not looking, I’m going to crank up the air conditioner, bundle up and take a nap. I’ll dream of overcast skies and snowstorms.

Here is a list of reasons why I hate summer. Maybe you will sympathize.

  1. The car in front of me is blowing cigarette smoke into my car and my face.
  2. “Daddy, it’s not bedtime. The sun is still up.”
  3. $#%$&^$%()#^#% mosquitoes
  4. Mowing, weeding, planting, pruning, fertilizing, watering, harvesting
  5. 20 motorcycles causing an earthquake as they go past my house
  6. Uncaged children
  7. My deodorant gave out 3 hours ago
  8. Your deodorant gave out 3 hours ago
  9. Cars racing up the street
  10. Gas prices are higher
  11. Everyone is freaking out how global warming is worse this season. Global warming happens year round, people!
  12. My neighbor shooting off illegal fireworks
  13. My teen: “Ha ha you have to go to work. I get to play video games all day”
  14. I miss my hoodie
  15. I’m sticking to chairs
  16. The sun is up two hours before I want to get up
  17. I’ve sniffed more pollen than a cocaine addict on a binge
  18. Family Reunions. There’s a reason I don’t live near these people.
  19. Droughts
  20. Massive Wild Fires
  21. Road Construction
  22. Giant motor homes that can’t do the speed limit and can’t drive a straight line.
  23. Warm liquids. It makes hydrating really crappy.
  24. No matter how far I strip down, I’ll never cool off.
  25. No one wants to see me strip down.

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